The poison ivy symbolizes for me how lush and promising the message of the group seemed to be. It appeared to be full of vibrant life, but this is true only if you do not know the real nature of the plant/life. Poison ivy causes extreme discomfort and aggravation, and the life in the cult caused extreme confusion, pain, dissonance, and stress in spite of how good it looked. 

The roots symbolize the convoluted message, and the confusion of trying to live up to the demands. 

The peeling paint is what was going on inside of me as I lost more and more any sense of self.

The teaching may start out as a guideline, like a fence, and serve a good purpose; but if it constricts and tries to prevent growth, it ends up causing deep scars. The tree grew around the fence, but the fence is still deep within its very being.

Since leaving, I am often filled with a sense of awe in being able to really see the beauty in the world around me. While I was in the cult, my life was so filled with the stress of trying to “live the life” that those efforts consumed all my attention. Such a self-centered culture prevented me from connecting with the rest of the world, both physically and socially. From pine needles on the dark earth, to the sparkle of flowers in the dew-laden morning light, to the effervescence of a sparkling stream, beauty and joy show up all around. As C.S. Lewis said in the title of his book, I am often “Surprised by Joy.” 

Since leaving, I am often filled with a sense of awe in being able to really see the beauty in the world around me. While I was in the cult, my life was so filled with the stress of trying to “live the life” that those efforts consumed all my attention. Such a self-centered culture prevented me from connecting with the rest of the world, both physically and socially. From pine needles on the dark earth, to the sparkle of flowers in the dew-laden morning light, to the effervescence of a sparkling stream, beauty and joy show up all around. As C.S. Lewis said in the title of his book, I am often “Surprised by Joy.” 

Since leaving, I am often filled with a sense of awe in being able to really see the beauty in the world around me. While I was in the cult, my life was so filled with the stress of trying to “live the life” that those efforts consumed all my attention. Such a self-centered culture prevented me from connecting with the rest of the world, both physically and socially. From pine needles on the dark earth, to the sparkle of flowers in the dew-laden morning light, to the effervescence of a sparkling stream, beauty and joy show up all around. As C.S. Lewis said in the title of his book, I am often “Surprised by Joy.”